Life's what we make it!!

Just got this phone and I’m frustrated lol only because my contacts haven’t transferred yet *sigh* guess I’ll have to wait until tomorrow 😎😎

AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Feeling so frustrated right now. Dead ass I think no no I KNOW this is driving crazy. Not sure if it has to deal with my age or what but OMG I don’t think I’ve ever been to this point of frustration.

I just want to…..

(Source: apoyadora)

I am in utter shock with what has happened in Sandy Hook Elementary in Connecticut. I literally have chills just reading up on this. Who does this type of thing? This was an Elementary school, young children!! 

Last night I had a dream and he appeared again. This time it seemed as if we were on speaking terms because he was telling me to look at chapter 13 when I asked him how he was doing. The thing is, I can’t recall what was on chapter 13. I hate thinking of him, let alone dreaming of him. Is it his way of “communicating” with me since we haven’t done so since last April *sigh*

I doubt I’ll ever get an answer to all the questions I have.

• why did we stop being friends
• we did we stop speaking
• was it something I did
• did you get back with her and were afraid to tell me
• was our friendship not worth saving

I hate dislike you for what you have done to me but miss you at the same time smh and that’s fucking sad!

(Source: apoyadora)

Need to vent…Just got mad sad about life…As you all may or may have not known I was set to deploy but Army being the Army decided to reduce the people who were going and long story short, I’m not going….next weekend is drill and everyone had made plans to hang out with the ones whom we are friends with and are deploying as our last getty before they head out on their mission and come to find out that they don’t have to go to drill..like wtf the unit doesn’t want us to wish our battles good luck and be safe on their mission….

Either way I’m still gonna stay for the ceremony because I want to be part of that..to send them off properly and be there for their return next year…

I know I’m just rambling now about random shit but things like this urks me…WHY THE FUCK would you not want the rear detachment to be there for the Soldiers who are going forward, some type of cruel punishment….these aren’t just people I speak to during drill, these are people I actually hang out with outside of drill and have formed meaningful friendships…

(Source: apoyadora)

You had said you cared for me
That no one made you feel the way I did
Then why the fuck did you have to lie to me?!

I dealt with your utter bullshit for almost a year now
If I was just a piece of ass then why not tell me from the jump off?!
You are afraid that our “friendship” is forever harmed, well mother-fucker it’s your fucking fault!!!!

I’m strong enough to move on cause I only have to see your sorry ass once a month
But knowing that you played me hurt my pride.
I was always so honest and real with you, while you used me like a fucking tool.

I wonder how long you were really talking to her?
I know this shit did not just happen out the blue!!
How the fuck you start a relationship from just 1 week of talking, when we started back in April, fuck I was such a fucking fool!!

I’m not going to be a hater cause I’m truly not
I’ve never been betrayed this way by no one before, not even the man I had always loved.

I can go on and bash you until the end of time, but that’s not going to resolve shit
Yes, I’ll admit it you used me like I was your monthly rag, your fucking piece of ass
But guess what, I know I am way better than that.

You are just another one that’s been added to the shit list who in my eyes will never amount to anything, even if you accomplish all that and then some more.

So THANK YOU for showing me your true colors before I decided to let you impregnate me.

THANK YOU for showing me that I guess you were just a phase in my life that would eventually fade to the back.

 Yes, I am hurting inside because of how everything went down but I’m glad it happened now and not when perhaps I would have fallen in love with you.

You seem to put this front that you are so Christian, trying to follow the word and always trying to prove yourself better because you feel that you as a minority are looked down BUT in reality you need to find yourself and may God forgive you.

So with all this said and done may you two have a wonderful life together. 
Forget I exist, which I am sure you have done so already.
Thanks, for well not sure for what exactly but I’m sure you made me happy at some point.

(Source: apoyadora)

today has turned out to be one of those days that you just wanna blast mellow music (which sounds like an oxy-moron) smoke blunts to the head and say fuck it all…mind you I don’t smoke so that’s saying something……

as sad as it sounds, I want end of July to get here already so I can deploy…its not that I’m running away from my problems but this way I’ll be able to help out my family cause shit’s not going too well right now…yea I’ve become pretty good at disguising my feelings but at the end of the day, we still have those problems and whatever else comes along with it….

(Source: apoyadora)

Ever had 1 of those days were you just want to chill in front of your house, listen to some music, drinking a lil something and kicking it with a friend or 2 and just enjoy each others’ company? Yea I haven’t done that in a looong while and I wish I can do that *sigh*

Anyways on another note I’ve been a total bitch to this dude due to the fact that I’m not feeling him no more . And when I say bitch I mean being real quiet, hardly hitting him up; you know trying to distant myself so he can get a clue, well he just got his texts fixed so he hit me up but I didn’t reply and yo tell me why today when he called (I picked up cause I knew it was gonna be short since I was at work) and tells asks me why I didn’t reply to his texts so being the person I am denied the whole shit that I got his texts and he busts out with “well I got the notification that you received it” yoooo when he said that I said to myself “who the fuck does the receipt thing but now that you do that I’ll be sure to not open your texts at all.” Yea I have to let him down gently cause he fell in love with me within a week of us knowing each other and for me to fall for someone takes me a while but not quite sure how to do it since I’ve never really been in this position before.

(Source: apoyadora)

Disappointed…

Not letting this get to me but I was hoping to see him again…fuck I hate catching feelings for someone and then somehow I’m let me down…oh well imma keep sippin this Presidente and enjoy my time here since tomorrow I head back home…dealing with the cards being dealt which are a fuckin bitch!