Life's what we make it!!

When did I become so lazy that with all these positive working out posts from different people I still don’t do it myself smh….

Haven’t quite written anything for a while now so what better time than to do it now. I’ve been laying in my bed since 12:30 am just listening to music and I hate that I start thinking of everything all at the same time.

• I remember  last year I had mentioned that in 2013 I was going to try and see if I meet someone to date since it has been a while but I admit it, I have trust issues like a motherfucker. I try not to use that as a reason but I do, why lie about it. I make assumptions like a bitch and well that’s an awful flaw I have. I try giving everyone the benefit of the doubt but I always feel as if someone is out to do me wrong - guess that’s why I’m so afraid to let my guard down and let someone in because I’ll probably get fucked in the end.
• I wonder if I’ll ever know what is it like to fall in love again. Yes, I have been in love before and it lasted a long time but would love come knocking on my door and take me by surprise.
• Why the fuck am I so blunt about shit?! I mean being blunt is a good thing but sometimes I think I am too blunt about shit. Can this too be considered another of my flaws!?!?

Well, I think this is it for tonight. I’m sure I’ll come back to write some more tomorrow or sometime during the week

(Source: apoyadora)

AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Feeling so frustrated right now. Dead ass I think no no I KNOW this is driving crazy. Not sure if it has to deal with my age or what but OMG I don’t think I’ve ever been to this point of frustration.

I just want to…..

(Source: apoyadora)

I sorta miss getting random messages on my inbox either from my followers or anonymous asking me random questions…

(Source: apoyadora)

So last night it happened again, I had a dream with him. This time it was weird. I had met up with his brother at his house and met his wife and son. So I asked him if he was going to continue with his Military career or get out, he said he was going to continue. I asked about his sister and mother (even though I text them in real life) were doing. So, I asked him what the hell was I doing in his house and he said “I’m going to take you to him so you 2 can speak.” So I started shitting bricks cause reality was kicking in. So we drive to his brothers’ place and the nervousness (I would always get when I would see him when we would meet up in real life) was feeling too real. When we saw each other, he was surprised and it seemed as if he wanted to cry, not sure if it was from joy, surprise visit or being upset. So there I was looking at him, how I have always looked at him, a helpless girl in love, and he looked stressed as fuck. He looked thinner than usual and was shy which was weird. Just when we were about to speak, my alarm goes off.

I wonder if this is God’s way of letting me know to let him go. I mean yea we’re going on 2 years without speaking but this was a friendship of 11 years that we had. I still have questions for him and not sure if I would ever get them. I don’t like having dreams like this because I start thinking the worse. What if he’s going thru some shit and no one wants to tell me? What if, he too has had dreams about me us and our situation and is too scared to reach out?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks tumblr for hearing me out!!!

(Source: apoyadora)